Cha Hua Ban

22 Apr 2008

Today i start my ist flower arrangement class at Fu Hai. Haha... the ist step towards my dream, to open a flower shop when i retire as i told lily.

The teachers were late. Oh no, forgot to eat something before in come, dunno what time the class will end. The arrangement we are learning today is that of "Yuan Xing (round)". The flowers which the teacher gave to us are red carnation, white porn porn and fern leave. It seems easy when we see the teacher arranging it. But when we do it ourselves, then i realised flower arrangement is really an art and tactic. The teacher has a flower shop outside and is teaching at fu hai voluntarily.

I enjoyed the class very much and is looking forward to the next class.

19 Apr 2008

Received my blood test results last week. Sianz... everything high, mayhap its becos its done 4 days after my dialysis. Have to watch my phosphate and potassium levels. No soya products and chocolates please!!! Next blood test will be done in Mid-May, hopefully can achieve better results. This is my goal. Gan ba teh!!

Guolian cousin have undergone the kidney transplant 2 weeks ago. She looks good. Really envy her, her efforts have paid off after staying for almost a month in hospital. Baofa (her husband) says there is no difference with only 1 kidney.

Today, Fook Hai temple called me about the flower arrangement class which i enquire about earlier. Next tuesday start class. Was deciding whether i should go for it, i think i will, after all i have been thinking of learning for a long time. You only live life once, and there should be no regrets.

Overeat

21 Mar 2008

I overindulged myself today, eat a lot. Went with mum to the Bendemeer market and ordered a lot to eat. Not actually a lot but too much for my condition and not healthy food for me. I shared a bowl of fishball and minced meat mee pok, popiah & roti prata with mum. Had 1 soon kueh to myself. Before we went home, we even ta pao pancake to eat. I ate 1 coffee pancake and 1 padan pancake. Feel so sinful. I think i must be a hungry ghost in my previous life.

Last day of 2007

31 Dec 2007

Today is the last day of 2007. Finally ts over. 2007 to me is the turning point of my life. Too much things have happened this year. I have since rown up and my life will never be the same again.

29 May 2007, i was hospitalised because of high blood pressure. Fear overcome me at that time. I battle with the high blood pressure and low hb for abt 1 week. On 4 Jun, i started on my dialysis for the first time. Staying in the hospital for 2 weeks, i weeped... The tears were for myself and also for my stupidness in contributing so much for SISO. It is not worth and in the end its my body that suffers.

I have began dialysis for close to half a year already. Would i recover? Have been searching for a job but to no avail. But during this time, i went to science buddies to work as a tutor, being a childcare teacher at Kidsworld and also work for a short time at OSIM as Training Executive.

My 27th birthday is an unforgettable event. Wenhua, Jinglan and baozhu celebrated for me in sentosa with a surprise. I was really touched. On my actual birthday, i had to go to the hospital for myAvascular surgery. I spend my birthday with the doctors and nurses under the knife. Truly unforgettble and painful.

In this year, i've learnt:

1) The value of kinship
2) Manage and be responsible for my own health. Nobody understand it better than ownself
3) Never give up! Believe in miracles.
4) Must be strong. The harder life is, the stronger i must be. Tomorrow will be better!
5) If others don't give you chance, i must perserve and do better.
6) Must be optimisic

Ist dialysis with the hand

8 November 2007

I had my ist dialysis session with the hand today. The needle was thick and it was painful. The feeling was uncomfortable. I can't move my hand throughout the 4 hours. I can't imagine what the feeling is when i have to go thru it on the same spot again. Must be real painful. Will it be better when the pain becomes numbness or is it more scary? Because this means that i have adapted to this life.

How i wish i could be like Guolian, to have someone(her husband) to donate the kidney to her and not having to go through all these.

My 27th Birthday

27 Aug 2007

My 27th birthday -an unforgettable day...

I have to wake up at 5.30am today because today is the day that i have to go for my AVF surgery. My surgery is at 8am and i have to reach the hospital at 7am. After breakfast, , mum and me took a cab and reach SGH Block 1, surgical Ambulary Centre at 7.05am.

The doctor (Dr SG Tan) was late. The surgery was supposed to start at 8am but becos of his lateness, it only began at 8.30am. I was conscious throughout the entire surgery as he only gave me local anaesthetic for the hand. I could hear the conversation betw the nurses and doctor as well as feel their movements. It was scary, the feeling of not seeing what happened but knowing that someone is cutting my hand open and feeling the pulling of my veins. Really painful! The surgery ended at 10.30am.

I would never forget today and the year 2007. This year was brother's wedding, WSHO 2007 (an event that i was pretty successful and satisfied) and also the year i was diagnosed with kidney failure. 2007 is a year which made me realize happiness, sadness, pain and distress.

Ist encounter with Dr Lye Wai Cheong (MEH)

30 Jun 2007

Today is the first time i went to MEH to see Dr Lye Wai Cheong. He said that i shldn't have started dialysis in the hospital. Now that its already started, he will see if my condition can be controlled with medcine. I should go back and see him every two days to monitor...

I really hope that he can cure me and i don't have to go for dialysis again. I wish... i wish i'm given more time and able to live well again, i'm still young, god please give me a chance to value my life and take care of mother.

Life is short and precious

Treasure the present

Today is a gift, value everyday that god gives you

Health and family is the most important aspect of life.

NKF

20 Jun 2007

Today i went to NKF for the application. Joe is the one who interviewed me. Coincidently, he was also the one who interviewed me two years ago in 2005, but he don't recognize me. The situation is different now, two years ago i came for interview for a job but now i'm applying for dialysis at NKF. How funny. God likes to play tricks on people, life is like a circle of events, unknowingly linked together.

My NKF application is rejected. Because Joe feel that i dun need NKF's assistance giving the reason that i'm still young and still have the ability to work. Also my family income (inclusive of brother's and Wee Swan's) far exceed their criteria for grants. He was right, i still have the capability to work and compared to the less fortunate, i'm much luckier. How can i fight with them for the grant?

Although the application failed, i made a friend thru Joe. We are really fated, my twice interview at NKF were interviewed by Joe. He shared with me a lot of kidney info:

1) Kidney Dialysis patients are still able to go aboad, but bef going abroad must make
arrangement for dialysis in that country.
www.globaldialysis.com

2) Dialysis into the 3rd hr will start to have cramp and rxn. If extract too much water will exp.
cramp.

3) Eat more high protein food.

4) Dialysis will auto slim down. Cannot grow fat or put on weight i realized...

Youngberg (Serangoon)

15 Jun 2007

Stayed in hospital for 2 weeks, finally they agree to discharge me on 13 Jun (wed) night after my dialysis session. I told mum i want to go home even though its late at night and i could have stayed another day untill morning (charges is the same). I am really sick of the hospital and the particular ward!

Today, start ist private dialysis at Youngberg (Serangoon). Although the outlook of the centre dun look friendly, the nurses there wer quite nice and friendly.

Beginnings of my nightmare...

28 May 2007

I went to MEH for the follow-up appointment on the blurness of my right eye. Dr Khoo was the eye specialist i was referred to. He said that the blurness is due to hypertensive retinopathy, blood vessels on my eye area had ruptured due to my uncontrolled high blood pressure. Knowing that i had kidney problem, he wants me to go quickly back to my SGH doctor for consultation. On Dr Khoo's persistence, Dr Tan Han Khim agreed to see me in the afternoon. Luckily mother was with me on that day. Because it was only the beginning of my nighmare...

We had porridge in Chinatown bef going for the appm. So sad, it was my last time having porridge there at the porridge store... As usual, we had to wait for abt two hrs bef it was my turn to see Dr Tan. On seeing him, the ist thing he did is to check my bld pressure. My god, it had gone up to 200/120. Hospitalised immediatey! he said. This is the first time i felt fear and understand the seriousness of my condition. I told him and mum that i don't want to be hospitalised. No i don't want, how can it be? I have always been healthy. Mother was with me assuring me that everything will be alright and hospitalised for a few days will not matter. And that Dr Tan chased me out of his room to be hospitalised immed. What kind of Doctor is that, i come to see him and he just see me to be hospitalised?

We waited outside for quite a while bef the ah ma came with a wheelchair to take me to the ward. By then, i'm trembling, is it from fear or because of my low bld count, i'm not sure. I said that i could walk but she insist on fetching me to the ward in the wheelchair fearing that i will faint. She is mad~! How can i faint? I'm strong and fine, i was thinking to myself. It was evening time when i finally settle down in the Ward.

Still in hospital :(

5 Jun 2007

One week already and i am still here...

Staying in hospital for 1 week, i am slowly adapting to life here. Oh no, 'adapt' shouldn't be the correct word to use here, isn't it? My bld pressure has began to go down only on sunday, 5 days after being hospitalised. Now i'm really scard, i don't dare to not eat my high blood medcine again.

Although my pressure has gone down, my other bld results were not idea, in fact worse than before. Creatinine and urea is at a dangerously high level. My electrolytes level (sodium and calcium) were low. Had 2 packets of calcium transfused into me. Because calcium is low, had cramps all over.

Yesterday on 4 Jun 2007 is my first time starting dialysis. 4pm, the nurse came to push me for the surgery to put the temporary cathether on the leg for dialysis. When the doc gave me the anaesthesia and when he insert in the tube, at one time it was really painful. But the surgery was fast. I was pushed into the dialysis room at 4.30pm and began my first dialysis at 5.30pm.

I feel much better after the dialysis and now awaiting my blood test.

Vesak Day

31 May 2007

Today is Vesak Day and also the third day i am in hospital.

The ist day i was hospitalised, my bld hemoglobin is tested to be very low, only 5.5 g/l. That night on the first day, the MO (a very nice doc with specs) came and draw my blood for retest a few times in the night, disturb my sleep. But he was very nice, coz he said: sorry for disturbing your beauty sleep. Hee, that was a condolescence. The next morning , i had 1 bag of O+ blood transfused into me. Shit, that was a rotten feeling.

Staying in hospital for 3 days make me think a lot... I have been working and slogging for SISO for too long. Its time i had a break and rest. I guess the WSHO Conference 2007 really tires me out. Staying in hospital makes me understand the importance of health as well as the value of kinship and friends. Guobin, guolian, kun kun and ying ying came to visit me as soon as they know that i am hospitalised. Clara, joan, baozhu, wenhua and jinglan also came to visit me. Of course, mother was with me everyday. Brother and wee swan also came as often as they can.